it has been 4 years, 1 month and 3 days
since i let you go –
since i said you are better off
with someone else
i still miss you
i’m still hoping
every time the breeze
fondles the windchime by the door,
i am hoping it is you
wearing your ponytail,
glasses and wide smile.
i miss you when the streets
are full of people
of saints you do not believe in.
i miss you when the world robes itself
with lights and carols
i wanted you to be here
when my brother graduated as an engineer
i know you’ll be proud of how much
he has grown up.
some days, i miss you
more than i do now
i’ve missed you the most
when my boss formally announced
how he wants me to be
the new CEO of his company.
i almost didn’t hear his words in disbelief
and all the while, it is you,
only you that i can think of
and think about.
I miss you the most
on triumphant days
on days when i ought to forget you
on days when i should not feel the ache
but memories creep into the scars
and open them like ribboned boxes
and i’d often whisper,
“i wish you were here.”
but i sent you away
in better arms
and i should be happy.
i still remember the sourness in your face
when i lied and said
how your tantrums annoy me
the unreasonable jealousy,
the burden of having to protect you
because you are so clumsy and clueless
i made you believe i was tired
when in truth, i was scared.
how you wasted tears that day.
you cried like a wounded sky
and watered the plains i so long to see.
i wonder if you have forgiven me by now
for being late in becoming the man
you truly deserve.
i wish he makes you happier, love.